As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
