That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
