i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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