My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
