That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
