I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
