You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
