South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
