8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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