You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
