The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
