How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
