I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
