Michael Bay diarrhea
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
