Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
