I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
