chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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