last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
