And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
