Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
