I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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