they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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