I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm at about main and main street
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm way too hungover for life right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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