chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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