he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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