remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
