I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got inside last night via doggy door
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
