about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
