Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No subtext here. People are naked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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