I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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