i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
