So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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