and she was petting her beer can
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
