i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You are the jesus of drinking
Everclear isn't food dammit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
