How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
