I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize