everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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