I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
