I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
