Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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