dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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