I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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