You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
