True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
