how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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