But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
