remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
