ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
