So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
