Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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