I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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