For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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