I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
