It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He has the fingertips of a God
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