Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
