you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
