Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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