can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
