don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
