I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
