I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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