my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sex in a hospital.. check
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
