Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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