dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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